Tryphoon’s Lair

Oh my God! It has already been 6 months! Well, actually 6 months and 2 weeks to be precise… Free time has been rare over the last couple of weeks and I have been unable to sit down and write about our first major milestone in the US…

So, in a nutshell, these first 6 months have gone at the speed of light. We have kept busy… Insanely busy!

It all started with the first hesitant steps in early Feb, the discovery of our new universe, including the hilarious first food shopping the night of our arrival, totally jet-lagged, unable to find anything we knew.

The first 24 hours were followed by the couple of weeks of insane discovery programm (one part of LA a day) and the major pain of paperwork in early March (and the vicious circle around credit and utilities), the driving licenses and the new cars for the both of us.

Somewhere in between, we moved to Montrose and went through the real adaptation phase and the first reality check. We were no longer tourists, no real residents yet, but stuck somewhere in between, learning a new thing almost every day (and this so far hasn’t stopped yet).

So, discussing this milestone with Mike on Friday, the mentor asked the pupil another one of his tricky question which was: “So what is the main difference between the UK and here?”. I didn’t even go over the usual cliches (weather, space, cable TV, large cars and fat people) but thought more about how people are, how people behave here… and this is on its own, a major difference between the new world and the old world…

First thing first: The layer of bulls**** or fake “Politically Correct” bollocks! It seems that no one here is used to be yelled at and finishes every discussion with a “have a GREAAAT day!” despite not caring at all how the rest of your day will be. Passed the fact that this sounds very polite, we tend to wrap every chat, every communication and relation with some kind of artificial sweetener, using numeral PC formulas, always going around what the matter is without really nailing it on the head. Why not calling a cat a cat?!? If someone sucks (e.g. a rep from Charter Cable on the phone), tell them! And replace the “Have a great day!” by “Thank you for having been so useless!”. If someone doesn’t understand after the 3rd call to the very same desk what your request is, RAISE YOUR VOICE. Let them know that they are making you lose your time and that it is time to go for plan B….

Plan B might be the other main difference… Or the lack of it actually! It seems that everything around here is scripted. Every request has been planned in advance and has an answer ready to come out of the “Book of Rules”. Even the barista at Starbucks follows a methodical plan and set of instructions. So asking anything out of “the plan” often results in a pair of starry eyes, a puzzled face  (or a long silence if on the phone) and a desperate need for a plan B, a place to hide and a hug from Mummy (sorry Mommy!)…

Speaking about Mommy, the last main difference to me is that it seems that a large percentage of the population here has been totally infantilized. They’re just big kids that don’t use their brains and accept every stimuli and set of directions given to them… TV is king (I won’t complain, it provides me my pay check) and media is gospel. Vacations are not an adventure or a discovery experience  but a trip to the nearest entertainment park where everything is predigested for you from the moment you wake up to the moment you go to bed. There is no space for self decision, second thoughts or non scripted surprises. And to make sure that no such thing happens, everything is subject to a disclaimer: “Achtung, Achtung, trying to dry your pet in your microwave oven might result is sudden and painful death of the animal”. “Achtung, Achtung, you live in California, you might hence experience earthquakes that might damages the content of your home!”. No s*** Sherlock!?! Come on guys, grow up and try new things!

But to be fair, all in all, life here is pretty sweet and despite these slight differences (which can be sometimes annoying), this all experience has been pretty positive. People are extremely polite and helpful (a vast improvement compared to the average London Bus driver). Thia is enjoying the sun, the pool and sushi. Sarah is getting fitter by the day, thanks to gym, pilates and other physical activities and I love the new job. Next step.. we might move back to Burbank soon… 

One thing I am still missing though:  Footy and Rugby at the pub with Jef, Nono and the pack!

So here ends my little list of major differences and our first 6 months check up!